Here goes.I spend all my life taking care of others and raising 3kids and 2 marriages later. I'm on my 3rd hubby and kids all grown and now my mind decides to go insane...lol. I guess while raising my kids, I was consumed by their needs rather then mine. For that's the way a good loving mother is. I didn't know I was falling apart little by little inside!
There was times when I knew something was going on in my imaginative mind but I couldn't quiet understand. I was caring, compassionate and always putting others before myself. But at the age of 42 my life changed.
I was divorcing my husband of 20 yrs. and setting myself free. I felt like a tiger being set free after years of imprisonment! But I had suffered for yrs with panic & anxiety. To the point where I didn't even drive for yrs. by myself. I was very took advantaged of by my family to an extent.
I longed for freedom and independence.I always felt like I was gonna lose my mind, which often comes with raising kids. But when I finally got away, I kind of went buck wild! Dating every man in North Carolina it seemed and enjoying the pleasures thereof.Many there be that just thought I had lost my mind for about a yr.During these escape's I also knew this was not me and how could I do these things. ANd most of all how could I do this to God?
Wow, I was someone else! I needed help and I knew it so I finally 2yrs. later sought therapy. They told me I had Bipolar and that was why I did what I did! I go to the doc. and the prescribe me meds. which turns out to be 2 yrs. before I get on the right one's,It's a mountain that I wasn't sure I wanted to climb! But I did and I'm so glad I did! But to spite the meds. and all my past doings. I seem to always feel like I'm in a constant battle of the mind. Keeping myself from going insane & staying sane! It's a war everyday of my life, that i sometimes wanna give up on. But I suffer in silence ,like I always have so no one will know I have troubles too. Everyday I look at people and talk to people but they can never see the torment that goes on in the mind of the Bipolar genius...lol
Our minds are creative and compassionate. We love life and all that is around us! I wished I had known yrs. ago about this but now I'm here and ready to take on the world. I owe it all to my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ! My journey has just begun and Look out world here I come...lol
